Rianss OS – Mine (A Songfic)

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NOTE – I hope everyone reading this OS likes it. One request from my side… do vote and comment. I would really like to read some inline comments.

SONG – Mine by Taylor Swift.

TRIGGER WARNING – Mentions of Self-harm

BACKDROP – Total AU.

I left my hometown in Mumbai to go to college to study Journalism, literature and creative writing- I wanted to be a writer… as majestic as Stephen King and as amorous as Nicholas Sparks… I was sitting in a tiny cafe near my college. It sure miniscule compared to some around, but it had this comfort inscribed into it. It had this homey… loving feel. There was only one waiter working at the time- his hair looked so bronze and beautiful in the sunlight; he had this warm, inviting smile- a smile I knew I could lose myself in. I forgot about the story I was currently working on- and just stared at this marvellous person in front of me.

“Hey” he smiled. “What can I get for you today?” I felt my heart racing as I gave him a small, sheepish look.

“Um- I-ah” I was stuttering like a complete fool. Embarrassment washed over me as I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from my bad habit. “Ju-…” I trailed off with a small laugh. “A vanilla coffee, please” He wrote it down on his notepad, a small smile never leaving him.

“Would you like anything else, Riddhima?” I gave him a confused look, my eyebrows knitting together.

“How do you know my name?”

“I’m Vansh Rai Singhania, remember? We used to make sand castles when we were kids. I never forgot your face- and your dad never stopped showing me and dad photos of you; and we go to the same college” when he said that my eyes were wide, my smile turning into a beaming smile.

“Oh my god, Vansh, of course I remember you” I got up out of my seat and hugged him- he had changed so much. His boy-like frame turned into an immaculate godlike man. He had these defined muscles that bulged nicely- they weren’t too big, but they were most definitely noticeable.

When his arms wrapped around me- is it cliché to say I felt a connection… or a spark that triggered my beating heart to thump profusely in my chest. It felt safe… it felt like home- and I immediately wanted to stay there forever.

When I moved back from his embrace I looked into his eyes- properly. That warmth I saw was fake- he was hiding so much from the world- from me and I wanted to know exactly who Vansh Rai Singhania was. I wanted to know him from the insides of his heart to the exterior.

You were in college working part time waiting tables

Left a small town, never looked back

I was a flight risk with a fear of falling

Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts.

As soon as Vansh finished his shift at the diner, we talked. He told me everything. About his life, about his dad and his sisters and even the passing of his mother; you could see it in his eyes, an almost empty look that I immensely wanted to make better.

“So, what’re you studying?” He asked politely, taking a sip of his coffee and throwing a beaming smile my way.

“Journalism, Creative Writing and Lit… I think I want to be a writer… or maybe an English teacher.” I gave a distant smile, just thinking about it.

“What about you?” I asked, curiosity lurking in my smile.

“I’m studying to be a doctor”

I say “Can you believe it?

As we’re lying on the couch?”

The moment I can see it.

Yes, yes, I can see it now.

“Can you believe it?” I smiled, my head sitting on his lap as I went through photos of us that our dads took when we were only children. “Look how tiny we were!” I felt his fingers gliding through my hair, and I looked into his eyes.

It had been five months since he and I talked together in the diner, and we haven’t even spent 1 day apart. He even held me in his arms when I was crying- he didn’t say anything, he just rubbed my back and let me talk in my own time; Ragini Mehra had told me that my work, the pieces I worked so hard on writing was “Complete, plain, boring shit.”. I never really wrote after that- I couldn’t find it in my heart to do so… no matter how much Vansh would try to convince me.

As I reached my arm up to stretch, I heard Vansh gasp- it travelled on- it cascaded throughout the room and lingered… because I knew exactly what he had seen. I put my arm down suddenly, getting up off of his lap- ready to walk out the door. He grabbed my hand before I could even reach it, squeezing it kind of hard.

“Riddhima, show me your arm” I shook my head, refusing to look into his eyes.

“Riddhima, show me it!” He yanked my arm to him and I couldn’t help but stare ashamed as I rolled down my long sleeve shirt; tears were beginning to well up in my eyes, ready to flood on out like a rivulet in spring. He stared at, and stared- and stared some more before he finally spoke.

“W- wh.. Why would you do this to yourself, Riddhima?” When I didn’t answer he squeezed me, yelling out “Answer me Riddhima! Why would you do this to yourself?” I winced at the slight pain of the hold he had on my wrist.

And that was it… I cried. The tears fell and I allowed them to. I was sick of keeping all of my emotions inside of me, inside of a metal vault that wouldn’t open. But now, after all this hitting, and kicking

and destruction the vault fell open like Pandora’s Box.

“Oh Riddhima, don’t cry… Baby, please don’t cry…” He picked me up easily in his muscular arms and carried me into his bedroom, carefully placing me in the middle of his bed. He had left me there for a moment, only to come back with a first aid kit to tend to my mostly fresh wounds.

“I’m sorry Vansh” I said, grabbing his immediate attention. In five months I had fallen hopelessly in love with him- in just five months my heart was in his hands to keep. He managed to steal my heart with his stupid jokes, his breathtaking smile and his clumsy mouth that could get him into trouble. And now… I didn’t one chance with him. He was going to leave me in a heartbeat- and the worst part is… I wouldn’t have been able to blame him.

“Riddhima… look.” He looked out the window for a moment- looking at the sun drifting behind a hill in the distance. “I really care about you. Okay? And to see you doing this to yourself is destroying me so much right now.”

“Why do you care about me?” I asked, sitting up. “Why? I’m broken, I’m-”

“You’re a beautiful but broken mess that just needs to know that somebody is and always will be here for her.” His hand drifted to my cheek, wiping the tears away. “Now shh” he hushed, cleaning the wound and then bandaging them. He looked at the damage I had created. 3 years of damage, scars upon scars, all lining up in a ladder of scars from my wrist to my inner elbow. “Don’t ever do it again”

Do you remember we were sitting there by the water,

you put your arm around me for the first time,

you made a rebel out of careless man’s careful daughter,

you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.

We were sitting by the water, looking at the sunset, it was awfully cold. I shivered- and he noticed. He put his arm around me for the very first time.

Flash forward and we’re taking on the world together,

and there’s a draw of my things at your place,

you learn my secret’s and you figure out why I’m guarded…

You say we’ll never make my parent’s mistakes.

Almost 2 months later and he asked me the question I thought he’d never really ask. “Will you be my girlfriend”… Of course I said yes- and then flash forward… We were taking on the world together.

I was sitting in Vansh’s bedroom doing something I swore I’d never do again; writing. I don’t know why, but I had this urge to just write and free the things that were swimming in my veins like tiny Koi fish.

About 30 minutes into my writing Vansh came into the room, carrying a plate with large amounts of eggs, chicken nuggets, cheese and hash browns- I had no idea until he brought me out of my trance. (AN – I know I am dieting… but can someone please send these dishes to me… *puppy eyes*)

“Riddhima!” He said loudly, shaking my shoulder- I jumped. “Sorry for scaring you, baby, I couldn’t get your attention. I made your favourite”

“Mmm. Thanks” I got up, and he sat down, spreading his legs for me to join him, I leaned up, pressing my lips to his. “It smells great baby”.

“Are you writing again?” He beamed, his nose nuzzling my neck.

“Do you think I should stop?” I bit my lip, not wanting to hear the answer- maybe Ragini was right. I should just stop writing altogether.

“Absolutely not, Riddhima, you honestly don’t have any idea how amazing your work is; it comes from here” He placed his hand on my chest. “It comes from your heart, it comes from your soul and every time you write you take my breath away. I’ve read amazing books but never have their stories touched me like your writing has. And I’m not just saying that because I’m an amazing boyfriend” He gave me a cheeky grin then, tightening his hold on me for a second then letting go. “I do actually mean it. You have a gift, an amazing gift. So, do me a favour, do yourself a favour and do not lose that gift. People lose everything if they don’t have somebody there to look out for them. Just because Ragini told you your writing is nothing but crap doesn’t mean it’s true. Don’t you think your professors would’ve told you by now? Don’t you think I would’ve saved you the embarrassment? I believe in your writing and more importantly… I believe in you”

I kissed him, an unbelievably cheesy grin on my face. I was clad in his pyjama top that came to my mid thigh- I spent the night here, I already had a drawer of my things in his bedroom. He and I stayed up all night just talking. We talked about life, what our plans were… How our families were going… and what our dad’s thought about our relationship together. They were ecstatic, happy that we found each other.

“Riddhima?” Vansh asked, hovering over me, his arms on either side of my head; he was trying not to squash me with his weight.

“Yes Vansh?”

“Why are you so guarded from me… from everyone?” I closed my eyes, moving my face into the mattress. Why’d he have to spoil this perfect moment with questions like this?

“Vansh, please… can we not?” I didn’t want to talk about this- why I was so guarded with my feelings. Why I tried my hardest not to make him upset or angry with me. Why I tried not to get into fights. “I really don’t want to get into this right now.”

“It’s your parent’s… isn’t it? Because of how much they fought amongst each other?” I nodded, swallowing, beginning to speak.

“They fought all the time. They always had something to argue about. If it wasn’t about money… it was my mum accusing my father of cheating, or vice versa. I would listen to their arguments and I would promise myself that I would never fall in love- I promised myself I would protect my heart- but I’ve failed big time. Because… I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody.”

“That’s the first time you said you love me” He kissed me- it was slow… it was passionate; and then we made love for the very first time. It was slow, it was passionate… And it was sensual. He made sure I was okay and comfortable the whole time.

“Riddhima…” He was half asleep, but he looked at me like it was the most important thing in the world that he would ever say. “We will never make your parent’s mistakes” Then he picked up my arm and kissed the scars- kissing away the hurt I had once felt. “Move in with me?” he asked. “I’m tired of waking up every morning and not seeing your face”

But we’ve got bills to pay,

we’ve got nothing figured out,

when it was hard to take,

Yes, yes, this is what I thought about.

I remember how we felt sitting by the water,

you put your arm around me for the first,

you made a rebel out of a careless man’s careful daughter,

you are the best thing that’s ever been mine.

We had bills to pay, in fact we had a lot of them- somehow we managed to figure it all out. Every single day was kind of hard- but we made it work out. But when we had the rare fight I remembered the moment we were sitting by the water, the moment he put his arm around me for the first time.

We went back to that place by the beach… and he asked me a question; a question that I would never forget.

“Will you marry me Riddhima Kapoor?”

I didn’t have to think twice.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” I squealed, throwing my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly.

And I remember that fight 2.30 am,

as everything was slipping right out of our hands…

I ran out crying…

and you followed me out into the streets.

It was 2:30 in the morning; 2.30 and I couldn’t sleep. Too much was running through my brain at that exact moment… especially the nights Vansh came home past 4… there was a little voice inside of my head wondering if he was cheating on me- he wouldn’t do that, would he? He wouldn’t actually do that… right?

I heard the front door click shut, his frame came through the doorway and my heart skipped a beat as he walked into the kitchen, his eyes rising as he saw me wide awake and in my pyjamas.

“Riddhima, honey what are you still doing up? You’ve got class in the morning” I ignored the question, gulping as I prepared to ask him a question that hurt me to no end.

“Are you cheating on me?” I looked into his eyes, I looked at the surprise in his eyes- I watched as his eyebrows shot up into his hairline. His breathing hitched, his mouth agape. “Well, are you!”

“No! I’m not!”

“Then why are you out until 2:30 in the morning? Why else?” I could feel the tears getting ready to overflow- but I wouldn’t let them fall. I didn’t want him to see me cry.

“I’m not cheating on you, for god sake! I’m not your father! So stop making me out to be him!” He had his hands on my shoulders shaking me. “If I was cheating on you don’t you think I would’ve left you by now? Huh!”

“Then why else would you be out doing god knows what? Huh!” His hands clenched my wrists- not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to apply pressure.

“Would you just listen to make for f**k sake! I am not your sleazebag of a father! I’m not going to leave you, but you keep accusing me of doing things that I am not doing! Do you want me to leave you, do you? Because if that’s what you want then just leave, go, because I am not going to f**king do that to you.” I know it was my fault -this fight- but I couldn’t help the sob that escaped my lips, or the tears that found their way down my face. I did what I do best- I ran. I ran out the door, more upset then I have ever been; he yelled after me but I didn’t listen.

Braced myself for the goodbye,

because that’s all I’ve ever known,

But you took me by surprise…

and said I’ll never leave you alone.

He caught up to me in less than a minute, grasping my hand in his… begging me not to move; I braced myself for the goodbye- everybody leaves. Vansh will leave me- it’s unavoidable. He’ll leave me like everybody in my life has; it’s all I’ve ever known.

He forced me to look into his eyes.

“I’ll never leave you alone… I’m so sorry I said all those things in there, Riddhima. I didn’t mean most of them, I meant it when I said I would never leave you. I’m not your father. I’m going to leave. I’m not going to do that because I love you, I couldn’t ever imagine spending my life without you… and the reason I have been out until almost 3 in the morning is because of this” He presented me with the ring he hadn’t had at the time- a ring he said he couldn’t afford yet. “I worked nightshifts at a local nightclub to get you the perfect ring… I wanted everything to be perfect for our wedding. I wanted you to have your perfect dress- your perfect hair- whatever you wanted. Riddhima, please don’t accuse me of cheating on you ever again. I promise I will be faithful to you FOREVER” he emphasised forever as he slid the ring on my finger. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen.

“I’m sorry Vansh” And I truly was.

You said “I remember how I felt sitting by the water,

and every time I look at you it’s like the first time,

I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter,

she is the best thing that’s ever been mine”

His arms wrapped around my cold frame as he whispered “I remember how I felt sitting by the water, every time I look at you it’s like the first. I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter… and she is the best thing that’s ever been mine”

Hold on, make it last

Hold on, never turn back

You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

You are the best thing that’s ever been mine.

Our wedding was held in front of more than 300 guests- it was the perfect wedding. My mother and my father were there- and for once they didn’t fight.

Vansh and I are going to last, I can see it now…

THE END

NOTE – Kya hi kahun…. Pasand aaye to bhar bhar ke comments kar dena……

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